


Grande Ice Carmel Macchiato

by newdog14



Series: Cafe a la Billdip [2]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Background Mabcifica, BillDip, I was bullied into writing a sequel, M/M, hope you're all happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-04-04
Packaged: 2018-05-31 07:38:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6461581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newdog14/pseuds/newdog14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mabel Pines, you are my sister and my best friend. The list of things I would not do for you isn’t very long. I’ve nursed your hangovers, I’ve let you give me make overs, and I even went along with your Dillon Tucker plan and spent a night in jail for you. But I will not, I repeat not, go on a date with some conspiracy loving douche canoe for you, and no amount of begging or pleading is going to change my mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Grande Ice Carmel Macchiato

**Author's Note:**

> Back by popular demand, my coffee shop AU shenanigans. I hope you all enjoy it, I know I certainly enjoyed the reception part one received. Also, AO3 doesn't support emojis, so you're going to have to use your imagination a bit. It's super lame, I know.

The minute her brother left to take his Physics final Mabel bolted to her room to grab the coffee cup she’d hidden there, then she snapped a picture and stuck it in her group chat. Deciding whether or not to set up her brother with the mysterious barista was an important decision, and had the potential to change Dipper’s completely lackluster love life forever, so there was no way she was going to make it by herself.

_Pacifica: What exactly am I looking at here?_

_Mabel: Dipper got me Starbucks after pulling an all-nighter there :P_ _this was written on my cup!_ _< 3_

_Grenda: OMG Dipper’s life is totally a romantic comedy!_

_Candy: So did you give Dipper his number then?_

_Mabel: Not yet. I don’t know anything about this guy, and I can’t give the Mabel Seal of Approval to just ANYONE_ _:P_

_Pacifica: Did you text Bill then?_

_Mabel: No I haven’t done anything but drink the coffee. Should I text him?_

_Grenda: YES_

_Candy: YES_

_Mabel: lol ok_ _XD What do I say?_

_Candy: Say who you are and ask why he thinks he’s qualified to date Dipper_

_Grenda: find out if he’s CUTE ENOUGH to date Dipper!_

_Pacifica: Dipper is a pasty faced insomniac who hasn’t combed his hair in four years. His eyes are so bloodshot his sclera might as well be red, and his posture is a chiropractor’s wort nightmare. There is not a person on the earth who wouldn’t be “cute enough” to date him._

_Candy: rip Dipper_ _XD_

_Mabel: Wow rude, that’s my brother._

_Pacifica: Am I wrong though?_

_Mabel: Moving on! How’s this for an intro:_

_Mabel: Hi Bill! This is Dipper’s sister, Mabel. Now I’m all for getting him a date, but I’m gonna need to ask you a few questions before I can give you the Mabel Seal of Approval._

_Grenda: that’s so formal XD_

_Candy: Maybe add some emojis?_

_Mabel: Hi Bill!:D_ _This is Dipper’s sister Mabel <3_ _Now I’m all for getting him a date_  <3 _but I’m gonna need to ask you a few questions ;)_ _before I can give you the Mabel Seal of Approval_   _(shooting star emoji)_

_Pacifica: Too many emojis._

_Grenda: you’re no fun Paz_

_Pacifica: Leave the first and last ones, but ditch the others._

_Mabel: Ok sent!_

_Candy: Let us know the second he answers you!_

_Grenda: yeah we need his exact response time that’s really important_

_Candy: Does he have an iPhone?_

_Mabel: Yeah?_

_Candy: Does he have read receipts turned on?_

_Mabel: I don’t know. Why is this important?_

_Candy: Because if he doesn’t have read receipts turned on then he’s a fuckboy_

_Pacifica: What if he hadn’t had an iPhone?_

_Candy: Fuckboy_

_Mabel: Oh! He just read it!_

_Candy: Well he passes my fuckboy test then_

_Grenda: has he responded yet?_

_Mabel: No but he’s typing_

_Mabel: Wow this guy is either sending me a massive wall of text or he is a REALLY bad texter!_ _XP_

_Mabel: “Alright Shooting Star, what did you want to ask me?”_

_Grenda: so this guy texts really slowly AND like a grandpa_

_Pacifica: What is it with you and punctuation?_

_Grenda: it’s a waste of time!_

_Mabel: Guys focus! He’s waiting for me to ask him something_

_Candy: Ask for a selfie, that’s important!_

_Mabel: Okay!_

Bill responded to her selfie request a bit more slowly than her first text, despite reading it the second he got it. However the picture she received was well worth the wait. Bill was _hot_. Like, really hot. So hot he actually made his dorky bow tie look _sexy_. She stared at the picture for a good minute before remembering that she still needed to send it to the girls.

_Grenda: HOLY SHIT_

_Pacifica: And he wants to date Dipper? DIPPER?_

_Candy: HE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A FILTER ON THAT THIS IS BULLSHIT_

_Mabel: I knoooooow!!!!!! But what do I say now?_

_Grenda: ask if he has a brother_

_Pacifica: Ask if he has a sister._

_Mabel:_ _< /3_

_Pacifica: Sorry._

_Candy: Ask him what’s wrong with him_

_Mabel: Why do you think something’s wrong with him?_

_Grenda: yeah that is an A++ hunk if I’ve ever seen one_

_Candy: Exactly. And he wants to date Dipper? And he needed to ask Mabel for help? Hot people don’t need help getting dates unless there’s something very, very wrong with them. Very wrong_

_Mabel: Ok but how do I even ask something like that?_

_Pacifica: So what exactly did you fuck up with my brother that you need my help to fix it?_

_Mabel: Isn’t that a little harsh? :/_

_Candy: No send it_

_Mabel: Okay_

_Mabel: “I don’t think he liked how cheery I was. And he called me a hipster. Plus some other stuff.”_

_Pacifica: How much of a hipster are we talking here?_

_Mabel: I’ll ask_

_Mabel: “I’m not really sure? Personally I’ve never thought of myself as a hipster.”_

_Candy: Ask him what his favorite band is, and where he’d take Dipper on a first date_

_Mabel: “The Henchmaniacs. And to get coffee I guess? Not at Starbucks though, it gets way too loud in there during the day.”_

_Pacifica: So I googled The Henchmaniacs._

_Grenda: and?_

_Pacifica: They’re an indie rock band, their only social media link is to tumblr, and their newest album is titled “Who the Fuck Believes in Canada Anyway?”_

_Mabel: Oh boy_

_Grenda: that’s like if a hipster and a conspiracy nut had a baby and then set it to music_

_Candy: Ask him why he’s interested in Dipper_

_Mabel: “Well there’s the obvious stuff, he’s really cute and funny, but he’s really different too. I’ve never met someone like him before, and I know we kind of got off on the wrong foot, but I can’t stop thinking about him and I really just want to get to know him better.”_

_Pacifica: That’s actually really sweet._

_Grenda: DIPPER’S LIFE = ROM COM_

_Candy: Mabel we have to help him_

_Mabel: Yeah I know. I’ll tell him I’ll help him, but we’ve gotta do this my way because Dipper’s like, super stubborn about everything :P_

_Pacifica: So does that mean you’ve got a plan then?_

_Mabel: Hell yeah I’ve got a plan_

 

XoXoXoXoX

 

After two finals, Dipper’s brain was _fried_. All he wanted was to go home, maybe watch a few episodes of The X-Files, and then just sleep until Monday came around. It was the perfect plan, but alas, it was ruined the moment he walked in the door to find Mabel and her friends crammed in the kitchen, squealing over an empty Starbucks cup.

He shouldn’t ask. He knew he would regret attracting their attention, he always did, but this was just a new level of weird, “What are you doing?”

Mabel’s face lit up in a way that told him he should have run away while he’d still had the chance. In twenty years that look had never been followed by good news, not even once. It was the look she’d given him when she’d needed his help putting on a three hour sock puppet rock opera with original music and pyrotechnics in one week. It was the look she’d given him when she was planning the Halloween party she’d thrown as a way to ask out Pacifica. It was the look that meant Mabel had crafted some horribly convoluted scheme that Dipper was somehow going to play a pivotal role in, and he was not going to like it.

“Dipper! It’s so good to see you! How’d your finals go?” Mabel asked, moving towards him while trying to convey a look of perfect innocence.

“No,” he said, “No, no, no, no, no. Whatever it is you want I’m not doing it so don’t even ask!”

Mabel pouted, “That’s not fair, you don’t even know what it is yet.”

“I don’t have to know!” Dipper said, backing away in the hopes of finding as escape route. Grenda had moved to stand by the front door, while Candy and Pacifica were cutting off the route to his bedroom. He was trapped, “I know you’re scheming something and that has _always_ been bad news for me.”

“This time it’s different though!” Mabel pleaded, and suddenly she was doing The Eyes™ and he realized that he had literally been backed into a corner, “Just hear me out, okay?”

Dipper groaned. He was going to regret this, “Fine. I will _listen_ to your plan.”

Mabel lit up with glee and dragged him into the kitchen, then pushed him down into a chair, “So I got you a date.”

“Mabel! You promised you wouldn’t do that again!” he tried very hard not to remember the last time Mabel had set him up with someone, as it had gone absolutely horrible and had literally scared him for life.

“Oh come on, you’re seriously still upset about that?” she said, “It was like, two years ago.”

“There was a _fire_ Mabel,” he gaped at her as she waved her hand nonchalantly.

“Only a little one,” then she shoved the Starbucks cup in his face, “Besides, this is different because _he_ came to _me_ this time.”

Dipper was only confused until he noticed what was written on the cup, and then his stomach dropped, “Oh fuck. Mabel please tell me you didn’t do what I think you’ve done.”

“You’re getting coffee together tomorrow afternoon, you just need to pick a time and text him our address,” she said proudly. As if she’d done something wonderful.

“No thanks,” he said, and her smile faltered.

“What?” Mabel’s pout was back full force, “Why not?”

“Yeah Dipper no offense, but this guy is like, comically out of your league. What do you think the chances are of this happening again?” Pacifica asked, “Because personally I’m still getting over the shock of it happening at all.”

“Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence Paz,” Dipper said, “But I really don’t care how hot you think this guy is, because he’s a complete asshole and if I never see him again it’ll be too soon.”

“Dipper he is not an asshole,” Mabel put her hands on her hips and glared at him. The intimidation tactic should have been ruined by the fact that she was a good three inches shorter than him, but this was _Mabel_ , “You think everyone is an asshole when you’ve sleep deprived, which is why you’re going to get a full night’s rest for once and then you’re going to give this boy a second chance.”

“Mabel Pines, you are my sister and my best friend. The list of things I wouldn’t do for you isn’t very long. I’ve nursed your hangovers, I’ve let you give me makeovers, and I even went along with your Dillon Tucker plan and spent a night in _jail_ for you,” he squared his shoulders and spoke as firmly as he could, “But I will not, I repeat _not_ , go on a date with some conspiracy loving douche canoe for you, and no amount of begging or pleading is going to change my mind.”

Mabel stared him down for a full minute before she let out a sigh, “I didn’t want it to come to this Dipper, but you leave me no choice. We’re switching to Plan B girls.”

Dipper froze, “Plan B?”

Mabel smiled sweetly at him, and Dipper decided that it was a look of pure evil, “Pacifica, show him the hostage!”

Pacifica pulled out her phone and showed him a photo of his laptop sitting on an unfamiliar desk, in an unfamiliar room. He visibly paled and his heart sank, “Why do you all hate me?”

“We don’t hate you,” Mabel said, “We just want you to be happy! Now text Bill and let him know when to pick you up.”

“And if you tell him we blackmailed you I’ll have your computer programmed to play Hamster Dance every time you open it. Don’t think I won’t find someone who can do that,” Pacifica said.

Dipper sighed. He should have known better than to think he could get out of this. Once Mabel decided she wanted something to happen, it happened. No matter what. He pulled out his phone and bit the bullet.

_Hey Bill, it’s Dipper._

“You’re all horrible,” Dipper said, glaring as Mabel beamed at him.

Dipper’s phone buzzed as Bill responded and the Mabel jumped with excitement, “Oh what’d he say?”

“Do you need us to help you text back?” Candy asked.

Pacifica snorted, “This is _Dipper_ , of course he needs help.”

“No!” Dipper said, pushing his way out of the kitchen to freedom, “I don’t need your help, I don’t _want_ your help, so just stay out of it!”

Dipper bolted to his room and locked the door behind him. His phone vibrated again, and he finally looked to see what Bill had said.

_You should be careful about putting our names in texts Pine Tree, the government has spies everywhere and they read EVERYTHING._

_Ls! Dv hslfow gvcg rm xlwv! Gsrh dzb dv xzm hzb dszgvevi dv dzmg zmw ml lmv droo fmwvihgzmw yfg gsv gdl lu fh! Rhm'g gszg qfhg ilnzmgrx?_

Dipper groaned. What had he gotten himself into?

**Author's Note:**

> Before you ask, YES, there's going to be a part three.


End file.
